I have been like a running faucet the past couple of Sundays at church. We have nursery duty this Sunday so I will get a break. I am so sensitive to things and I am just learning to embrace that as a gift and to listen to the flow of my tears.
It just goes to show that God's anointing and holy presence is with us in our services. There have been some Sundays when I just have not wanted to go to church. Every time I have felt that way and went anyway, the Lord has given to me in such profound ways. However, I have expressed to the Lord that I am going to church for Him only. I am going Lord to love on You and to worship You. Every time I have prayed that prayer and have truly had that motive, He in turn has met me and has given to me in a way that I cannot measure in the natural or appropriately express in my limited vocabulary.
This past Sunday, Pastor Sterling spoke on the Bourne Identity which relates to wounds. The Bourne Identity is an action type of movie. He shared such great insight about how we are naturally born with wounds because we are born into a fallen world. The entire message I felt the Lord was touching something so deep in me. I really could not put my finger on it. EMANUEL WAS THERE!!!
As the message came to a close, Pastor Sterling had a ministry time in which he invited any who needed prayer for wounds in their hearts which needed to be healed to come forward. I knew I was hurting, but was not sure why. Wow! The gift of pain is precious. I cannot believe I am saying that. However it is the truth.
As the invitation was given, I waited a few moments and looked around to see if anyone else was going forward. No one was moving. However, I could not restrain myself. I got up and went forward. I do not even remember the steps I took to reach the front,but as I arrived to the couple who was up front to minister , the tears began to flow as if they would not ever stop.
It would take so much writing to explain all that God was touching in me. However, today I thought of the Title of the movie, "BOURNE IDENTTY" The very thing I was feeling pain and wounded in was the very core of who God has made me to be. Yes, I am first a child of God, but I am secondly a wife and mother. God revealed to me that I have been under a false guilt for the desires that I carry in my heart to carry children, to birth, to nurture and to mother. He gave me a new and complete freedom to grieve a miscarriage that happened about 2 months ago. He gave me freedom to grieve the loss of a much wanted baby even though I have 9 other children. God gave me liberty to embrace the core desires of my heart and the revelation that HE placed that there. The very things I had been fighting were the very things that God has anointed me by HIS grace to be and to do. IT is not just a season. I will always birth whether in the natural, or in the spirit. It is my calling as a woman and it is GOOD!
I so appreciate Susan and Jeff Hutchins who are elders at City Life. They were the ones who took me and prayed with me and cried with me. There is something profound when you see someone sincerely sharing your pain and truly grieving with you. There is such healing in that. I felt the love of the Father and the "motherly" love of God through them as they shared such a depth of compassion that I so needed.
How the Body of Christ needs each other.
If you ever feel like you do not want to go to be with your church family, that is a strong signal that you need to go. God is waiting for you there. The enemy wants to keep you away in order that you will miss God's hugs, His pleasure and joy for you as You go to give unto Him, even if it is your pain.
IF NOT FOR PAIN,
WE WOULD NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
SORROW AND JOY
WE WOULD NEVER KNOW HOW TO COMFORT
IN TIMES OF GRIEF
WE WOULD NEVER KNOW
AND WE WOULD NEVER RECOGNIZE THE NEED
WE HAVE FOR A LOVING GOD
WHO IS ATTENTIVE TO US
IN EVERY DETAIL
IN EVERY STRUGGLE
IN EVERY HAPPY MOMENT
PAIN IS A GIFT
IT GIVES US A PLACE OF KNOWING
A PLACE TO REACH OUT
AND BE THE DIFFERENCE
FOR OTHERS WHO ARE SUFFERING!
THE JOY OF THE LORD IS OUR STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you are a mother,whether in the natural or in the spirit, you are anointed to mother. His approval and strength is available to you. I received a stack of magazines today called "Above Rubies" The publisher wrote a personal note to me. It said , DEAR ANGE, (ANOINTED TO MOTHER),
MAY LOVE, JOY, AND PEACE BE MULTIPLIED TO YOU. MAY YOUR HOME OVERFLOW WITH THE PRAISES OF THE LORD. MAY YOUR WALLS REBOUND WITH LAUGHTER. MAY LOVE SPILL OVER FROM ONE TO THE OTHER. ABOVE ALL, MAY THE ANOINTING OF GOD'S PRESENCE FILL EVERY ROOM.
This is my prayer for every mother who reads this. I also have some copies of this encouraging magazine to give away. If you would like one, email me and I will reserve one for you and bring it to church on Sunday. I will be in the nursery. I have 9 copies so let me know. My love goes to you mothers!!!!!!!!!!